Ep 226 Book Club: Be Seen by Jen Gottlieb
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Sara Mayer: [00:00:00] Welcome to the bold goal crusher podcast for anyone looking to stop letting life get in the way and start crushing bold goals. I'm your host, Sara Mayer, and I'm thrilled to navigate this journey with you because it's time to start boldly achieving without working double time. So let's dive in.
Hello, bold gold crushers! Today We're talking about a book. It's a book club episode. If you're not in the book club, you should check it out, sarahmayer. com slash join book club. Each month we grab a book, we read it, we work the book, we actually do the work in the book. We, I discuss it on a podcast episode.
Sometimes I have a guest discuss it with me. Sometimes I discuss it solo, just depends on the [00:01:00] book and whether or not I have somebody who has stepped up to read it. And then once a month, we have a meeting where we discuss the book and we talk about how we're going to apply this into our life. So this month, the book be seen by Jen Gottlieb.
And if you haven't grabbed the book, it's okay. You can still join the monthly discussions. They're great discussions about the book. We do a recap on the podcast episode. So I'm going to do a recap today. So spoiler alert, if you haven't read the book and you still want to read the book, we will spoil, I will spoil it a little bit today, but it's a great, this is a great time to really think about the different books in your life.
And we talk a lot about working the book. So it's one thing to read the book. It's another thing to actually do the work in the book. So this book, Jen Gottlieb written by Jen Gottlieb, beautiful. She's been on TV and lots of different things. I can just say in summary, [00:02:00] this book is eye opening and it really talks about doing the work and she was tremendously vulnerable in this book and shared some really really, personal, I guess is the word, stories on her personal life and, but they were all things that I, that she tied this thread to make them relatable. So they were personally relatable, I guess is what I would say. So let's start off. I'm going to give you an overview about what this book is about. So this book is really about shattering the barriers and.
Those barriers that are keeping you stuck. So she talks a lot about what would happen if you had someone to help you stop hiding and start living and if they gave you the permission to be seen. So I really liked this book. She breaks it up into, is that five parts? I think it's five parts, one, two, three, four parts.[00:03:00]
She breaks it up into four parts. The first one, be courageous. The second one be creative, the third one be connected, and the fourth one be visible. And that's the theme throughout her whole book. Obviously it's the keys to each of the chapters. And so what I'm going to do is I'm going to go through the chapters.
If you're watching on YouTube, if you're not watching on YouTube Newsflash, I have a YouTube channel so you can actually see me and my beautiful Monstera over here and my 2000. 2024 on my desk. So if you do the visual, check out the YouTube channel and subscribe. But anyway, I have tons of tabs here.
Not as many as normal because she does a great job of summarizing each chapter. So instead of picking out all the individual pages in a chapter, I did do some of the summary pages. So I'm going to go through the book and really summarize it and She kicks off with some very personal and [00:04:00] powerful stories.
And I want you to really, if you haven't read the book, I want you to really think about those things that have happened in your life that maybe have shaped. Who you are today or why you react the way you do. So one of the things that she asks right at the beginning of the book, which is so impactful and it was on page, even in the introduction, it doesn't even have a page number.
It's on X one X. I X, so whatever that is in Roman numerals, can't do that quickly, but she asked this question. And so I want you to think about this question for yourself. Have you ever felt like you were living a life that someone else planned for you? Have you ever felt like you were living a life that somebody else planned for you?
Or maybe you woke up one morning and thought, how the hell did I get here? That's how she kicks off the introduction and [00:05:00] I just want to say those were things that I had to stop and get out my journal To really think about that and I think most of us would say yeah that has happened to us How the hell did I get here?
Am I living a life that someone else planned for me? And so she talks in her first chapter about What it's like to go from that moment to getting back into the pocket. And so she describes getting into the pocket as in music, the phrase in the pocket refers to being perfectly on beat and in tune, never missing a note.
It's about precision. Precision, timing, and listening to the other musicians you're working with. It's a term I use for what positive psychologists, Michael Alley, Susan Nask, really long name, coined as being in the flow. So it's the moment where you're completely in your zone of genius, that you feel like time has stopped and you can [00:06:00] go on forever.
And she asks us to go back and think about in our life when we were actually in the pocket. So I ask you, when have you been in the pocket where you're in flow and time, everything just keeps going. And it just seems like you're right on beat with that rhythm. So she has four steps that she outlines of how to get in the pocket.
And it's called Setting the Scene, S E N, and it's Sense, Experience, Embody, and Navigate. And so she talks a lot about how our senses, which is the first S, our senses take stimuli from around the world and they really do trigger a flood of information, but also a flood of memories. And so She talks about using senses to really think about when you're in the pocket and getting back to the pocket.
And you could use maybe like thinking about a [00:07:00] velvet cake or a candle when you were a child. And this is how you can think about and determine those moments when you were really in the pocket, your senses tend to be very heightened. The second one is experience. So drawing on the experience you had. So maybe it was an expression.
Maybe it was something that you did or a spark that really lit you up, but that's where you will go back and really think about if you're watching a movie, what. Is the real you. And then the third one is embody. And this one is about really bringing those experiences and sensations to the present moment so that you can become in the zone or in the flow or in the pocket as she uses.
And then the last one is navigate. Once you've embodied the real you, she challenges us to [00:08:00] start navigating through life. With us as leading the way, like main character energy. And that's how she defines getting be seen is that when we really truly start to live our true authentic self. And so for many people, she shares that fear is what's standing in the way.
And. really that society pressure. And so she says, give fear the middle finger. And this is what she has to say about fear. So I love this. The truth is fear is a dirty liar and all those nasty little whispers in your ear serve fears. One true goal to stop us from taking action. I'm not ready. I don't have the money.
I don't have the time I'm already doing too much. And so many. Of life's fears about are about being overwhelmed. So she talks about overwhelm, which I know we've talked about that on this show before. So she says, when we are overwhelmed, it's [00:09:00] because we're making a choice to put more on our plate than we can handle, whether it's conscious or not.
We do this because being overwhelmed gives us a handy excuse to avoid things we don't want to do, especially things that scare us. I'm sure you're reading this, remembering the last time you said the words, I can't do that right now. I'm too busy. So overwhelm is a reason that we end up not doing some of the things.
I just lost my page if you're watching on YouTube. Yes. Okay. I'm back. One more, one more turn. Next turn. All right. There we go. Back on track with the purple tabs. All right. So I'm too busy. So it's a lot of times that we have so much on our plate that we make the excuse that we're overwhelmed, but we made the choice to put that on there.
And so she does talk about how successful people really lean into their fear. They don't expect everything to totally go their way and they embrace it and go along for the [00:10:00] ride. And then she talks about FOMO, Fear of Missed Opportunity, is how she defines it. And what that fear is doing is, it's saying that you might miss this opportunity, so you need to do everything, when in reality, there's a whole bunch of FOMO going on for everybody.
When you're feeling FOMO, she asks us to ask ourselves these questions. What is this fear really trying to show me? What about this opportunity? I'm missing out on is something I want for myself. And now how do I get there? So she talks about FOMO being one of the reasons that people are fearful of moving forward.
There's six symptoms, she said, of fear. FOMO is number one. Number two is comparisonitis, where we're comparing ourselves to others. Number three, analysis paralysis. So she [00:11:00] does say that fast decision making is one of the most important skills you can develop, especially if your goal is to build something or lead people.
Being in indecision for too long is another way to stay stuck. And she said, just remember, there's no such thing as a wrong decision. It's a learning opportunity. Number four is perfectionism. And I think a lot of people get stuck in this. I've been stuck in this before too. And she reminds everybody done is better than perfect.
And then imposter syndrome, feeling like a fraud, like you're not ready, that you're not good enough at this point. Everybody feels this way, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a syndrome. You can get past that. Number six disease to please this disease to please can disguise itself as good manners or being humble, but it shows up when we downplay our accomplishments and deflect compliments [00:12:00] and really just pleasing others before taking care of ourselves.
So she talks about how. They need to put the oxygen mask on themselves before they can help others. So those are some of the fears that are standing in the way of us truly living in the pocket or being seen. And then she talks a lot about confidence. There's a whole chapter about. The keys to confidence.
So another way of thinking about confidence is to consider it as an undeniable trust you have in yourself and your ability to follow through no matter how uncomfortable or difficult something is. That person who walks into a room and shifts the energy without saying a word, they have the sense of knowing they know they're the type of person who sticks to their commitments and doesn't give up.
So that's a great chapter on confidence. If you haven't read the book, I encourage you to take a look at it. And She talks a lot about how confidence is the one [00:13:00] way she helped herself to be able to crush her goals and to get over her fear of being seen. All right. This one little list will change your life.
So she talks about creating your highlight reel and really building a list of all the things in your life that you've done. Really well, or you've excelled at so that you can go back to it when you're feeling like you're not enough or you don't know what you're doing and adding to that list on a regular basis.
It's like your highlight reel. You don't have to share it with anybody else, but she encourages us to make a badass list is what she calls it and it helps you combat that imposter syndrome. In her next section, she talks about being creative and seeing your future you. So one of the most powerful things she says in the book is it's definitely not too late to rewrite the story and figure out what [00:14:00] ultimate future looks like for you, not your parents, not your boss, not your siblings or the Kardashians.
And so she invites us to be creative and really design the you 2. 0 as she calls it. And she. Uses this little framework of see it, believe it, do it, receive it, repeat. And she talks about how you can rewrite your story to be what you want to be. And she even talks about those rock bottom moments being the cement walls and tiny closet bedrooms.
They're there to teach us things, even if it might be hard. So that's a powerful. Chapter and lesson. And then I'm going to move into the harnessing, the law of action. And in this chapter, she talks about the upper limits and that's the point where we stop moving forward because we fear failure becomes our fear of failure becomes greater than our belief in what's possible.[00:15:00]
And the law of attraction actually tells us that you can attract action. She, mic drop, there's only one way to get unstuck when you've hit your upper limit and that's to do something. Again, there's only one way to get unstuck when you've hit your upper limit and that's to do something and that produces a tiny win.
So harnessing the law of action is all about taking action and moving forward. And then our last section or second to last section, be connected. She talks about how you can't spell community without N O, and this is really about looking at your friend group, your peers, your colleagues, your network, and really taking a critical look on if they are helping you achieve your goals or stopping you from achieving your goals.
So one of the tools that she outlines in this book is the top 20 tool, [00:16:00] which was really interesting. She had us make a list of 20 people. In our life who have a common connection to our goal. So if your goal is to start a farm, do you have 20 farmers? Do you know 20 people who have done this before and to make a list of them?
So she wants us to make a list of 20 people. And then she wants us to give them a score of how much influence they have. Do they have the ability. To, for example, do they have, where is it rate the ability of each people on the list on how influenced. Influential they are, how many followers they have, how much power they have to get you featured as you're doing your goal.
Let's say your sister's boyfriend is a writer at Forbes. You can rate him a 10. Your best friend has a hundred thousand followers on Instagram, but her audience is way different. Then yours should be a four. So you're going to score everybody on influence. And then one to [00:17:00] 10, you're going to score everybody on their willingness to help you.
So based on your relationship, how willing would they be able to help you achieve your goal? And then you're going to give them a total. So anybody in like the 18 to 20 range is probably very helpful in your journey. And she talks about using this list as a guide to help us engage our network to get things done and asking for help is okay.
And then she gives us some really great tips to become a networking ninja. She talks about how she goes into every setting with a plan and a goal and how she make sure that she knows what she wants the interactions to be. So the first one is she acknowledges the elephant. So she makes sure that. Am I the only one, she'll say, am I the only one who doesn't like networking or something like that?
And then [00:18:00] she says to be the most interested, not interesting, most interested person in the room. And then go in with a goal, like I'm going to meet this many people and then follow up with value. If somebody says they're looking for something, follow up and give them something that they ask for or provide value.
And a reminder, a gentle reminder from her that. Even though you might not like going and networking after you've gone, you always seem to be like, Oh, that was great. All right. The last section is about being visible. And this is where she talks about making our stories shine. And really by doing that, we're unpacking all the junk and then leaning in.
And She talks about really thinking about our story library and creating those stories for ourselves and rewriting our stories to ensure that we are more visible. So
when we're talking [00:19:00] to our audience, maybe on social media, she says, you need to discover what makes your story different and unique from everybody else. And then to shorten it up, it doesn't need to be a saga or a novel, but to really think about how you can stand out from everybody else. And then she reminds us in this section to not compare our chapter one to chapter our chapter one to somebody else's chapter 20.
And that there are people out there that have left breadcrumbs of how they got there and how they might. Then, how you might then do what they're doing. And one of the things that I think she does really well in this section of the book is she talks about how it's our responsibility to get seen every single day and to ensure that we're out there front and center and to remember that what we're doing helps people, not, it's not a transaction.
It's about them, [00:20:00] help us helping them. So I thought that was really a great. Chapter. The next chapter is about becoming a CIA agent. That's the title. And she reminds us that anybody can say anything they want on the internet, but you need to get your audience to know and trust you. And so that means credibility, influence, and authority.
So using those three things, credibility, influence, and authority, ensuring that your messages hit all those things. The last chapter is about connecting the dots and. In this chapter, she ties it all together and really summarizes how be seen is not just about, excuse me, posting a lot of things on social.
It's about being courageous, really living in our authentic self, getting the courage to move forward, seeing the future. getting connected and then getting visible. So it's a really great book. It was an [00:21:00] interesting read for this month, a little different than some of our other reads. If you are looking to be more visible in your business, this is a great book to chart the path and do the work because there's some great exercises in here.
So I hope you check it out. We'll be discussing this book on our monthly book club call, which is the fourth Monday of every month. Hope you'll join us. Go to sarahmayer. com slash join book club to join our next book. I'm very excited about Michael Hyatt, your best year ever, if I've set plan for achieving your most important goals and the forward is, or the.
I think the forward let's see here.
Oh, there's no forward. He kicks it right off. So this should be a great book. He's like one of the best coaches you could learn from your best year ever. And you can grab this, go ahead and check out sarahmayor. com slash join book club. If you haven't [00:22:00] joined, we'd love to have you in the book club. All right, bull goal crushers, it's time to crush your goals and everything that gets in the way.
So you don't have to work double time. So let's get to it.
Sara Mayer: Thank you for tuning into the bold goal crusher podcast where we crush goals and everything that gets in the way. I always love to support my community.
Sara Mayer: I look forward to seeing you crush your goals this year.
